The woman in the book

zanakay

As women we struggle so much to find our purpose in life. Proverbs 31 has given me an assignment of a lifetime. I might not be that woman to the T, but I definitely will not stop trying to be. For those who have never read this chapter there is talk  of a super woman who wakes up really early ,cooks ,cleans and clothes her family, runs a business, works in the field ,makes her own silk clothes, buys land and develops property, loves her husband to death, instructs the children in Godly wisdom and and and …I sometimes question how I am supposed to be a proverbs 31 woman when I am not even married , have no children and have thus conveniently disqualified myself from this scripture because of that. How foolish of me. Any way, if any of you ladies has managed to become the Proverbs 31…

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A Nation Of A Hundred Million Fools

Donald Trump running for US President. Obviously bored with all the toys money can buy."Playstation,where are you?"

Donald Trump running for US President. Obviously bored with all the toys money can buy.

Now this just dragged me out of my cozy hermitic hole .I had a decently sized regard for Donald Trump until he decided to run for US President. Its not that he is an unfit candidate (tongue in cheek here) its just that after I listened to couple of his campaign speeches’ I was left with a sinking feeling of pity. This man has not only exhibited his weapons grade childishness and vanity but has availed himself to me as the perfect example of the psychological state of the world.Yes the arrogance is repugnant but also, I see a man so desperate to be known and remembered he could crawl into the bum of the sun and risk being burned just for some glory. I wouldn’t be too surprised to find out that this guy even tried to worm his way to a role on Starwars. The world is full of people who desperately want fame, power and wealth. Who want to be remembered. It is true that at some point in life we all come to realization that we have not achieved enough to be remembered or known and its not a nice feeling. Yet also, to ‘go big or go home’ syndrome has made men slaves of greatness and made clowns out of the respectable.

For a fact, the human brain is wired to remember bad memories more that good ones. So if one really wants to be remembered they should go out of their way to be bad. It’s the secret that psychopaths will not tell you, ask Hitler. I think this is why a lot of people struggle to be good, because there is a selfless element that comes with being good. A badge of anonymity so to speak. The whole good Samaritan thing. There is so much hard work and ‘do-good’ing to be done to achieve a Dalai Lama or Mandela status. In my culture it is said that if one is good, a lot of people will attend his/her funeral. I wonder if it matters that thousands attend my funeral seeing that I will be dead and cannot take selfies with any of the mourners. But that is the way of my people. I suppose it has its wisdom. I have observed however if one is rich, wicked and shrewd, one has friends everywhere. Even the people that hate you just hate you in public but secretly dine with you at your daughters birthday party. In Ndebele if you are good you are “umuntu weNkosi“,”munhu waMwari” in Shona but if you are bad, you are ISIGEBENGA,UBHINYA !!. The intensity and emotion of these words is untranslatable in English.

Nicklaus Micaelson-The Original Vampire or the 'Original Sociopath' .The character we love to hate

Nicklaus Micaelson-The Original Vampire or the ‘Original Sociopath’ .The character we love to hate

My observation is, the world ,in some twisted way, loves psychos and sociopaths. Megatron, The Joker, Jack Bauer of 24, Nicklaus Micaelson of Originals,Eric Cartman of South Park,that guy from 50 Shades of Grey.A good movie has a psychopath and or sociopath that outdoes the sociopath in the last movie. No war is interesting to follow unless there is a sociopath in it. Just look at the stats of ISIS video streams. It’s not right, but that’s just the way it is. It is a sick world and the people in it are sicker.

 

Adam Kotsko in his book Why We Love Sociopaths says we love them because we think that society has let us down by not making good on the promise for justice and fairness. We envy the aggressive Machiavellian, foul mouthed rule breaker who gets what they want. Perhaps Adam is right. Me thinks that perhaps we are so tired of being told what to do and when to do it. Whats right and whats wrong. We are tired of being told to be the bigger person. “Defeat them with ideas”(kkk) as Obama put it recently(speaking on the conflict in Syria) , reminding me of Mzilikazi’s “Vala Ngebhetshu”(lol ,we all have our dumb moments).Obama should never try his luck as a cowboy. Taking an Idea to a Gun fight is never a good idea.

Any way we are so imprisoned by our own rights and laws that we envy the freedom of the psychopath or sociopath who stands up to authority, is hardly ever caught and does what he wants for his selfish gain. Turns out that what we thought was the greener grass of civilization and democracy has brought us a water bill so high our souls are somewhat bankrupt of any freedom whatsoever ,even the freedom to fart lest our neighbors sue us.

Naturally this has created a desperation in people to behave out of norm, to rebel, to be non-conformative, to be the wild card as a means of standing out. A desire to make ones life one big ‘Heterotopia of deviation’ if I am to rake in Michael Foucault’s metaphysical concept of parallel human geographic space.

funny-selfies-9It just seems easier to stand out if you are bad .If you’re awkward. Wear a suicide vest and you are on Facebook like in a instant, trending on Twitter,and breaking news on TV. It’s difficult to be good and even harder it is to be so good that you get attention or win a Nobel peace prize.

 

popoPerhaps you’re wondering where I am getting with this.If you find that you really want to be remembered or worshipped or both because you have a deep seated low self esteem like a lot of people have, and you believe that the world owes you a statue, an honorary degree or 21 gun salute for your amazing contribution in your plus or minus 70 year existence in it but you are too good to be bad(as in too good/hyporcritic to be a psycho) neither are you so good that you remind the world of Jesus or you deserve to be president. Then the easiest way is to build your own alter, or monument of glory and not wait for some Board to nominate you right? We have all done it to some degree . Follow me ,and ill follow you back on Twitter-you check ?.

The Bible tells us of an incident which carries so much symbolism of the world we live in today. In Genesis 11,God had just about recently created the Earth .The Flood had come and gone and He commanded the descendants of Noah to spread out into the world and fill the earth. To be fruitful and multiply. We are told that these guys then migrated and came to fertile place called Shiner. I would imagine that so fertile and comfortable was this place that they put away their tents and began to live there. Out rightly disobeying the directive of God. They became comfortable in their numbers. Comfortable in the land that they presently saw with their eyes not the land that was yet to be discovered The Then they said to themselves “‘Come, let us build for ourselves a city, and a tower whose top will reach into heaven, and let us make for ourselves a name; lest we be scattered abroad over the face of the whole earth’ .In short -build a monument unto ourselves to celebrate or ingenuity.

An artist impression of the Tower of Babel.This hitoric event perhaps marked the beginning of the "Capitalism of Vanity"

An artist impression of the Tower of Babel.This historic event perhaps marked the beginning of the “Capitalism of Vanity”

These guys had become so comfortable that they found a moment to worship their achievements. The true conqueror carries with him, not a mirror, but a compass. It was not the unity that God was against it was the unity in self worship. The unity in order to exalt themselves over and above the will of God. It wasn’t that God was threatened that the skyscraper was going to reach heaven and they would impeach Him. The tower might have appeared tall in the eyes of men from an earthly perspective but it was so small that God had to come down to its level to inspect it Himself . After seeing what evil these people could do when they came together and became too comfortable, God confused their language and scattered them.

..but why???

..but why???

Alan Richardson says- “The hatred of anonymity drives men to heroic feats of valor or long hours of drudgery; or it urges them to spectacular acts of shame or of unscrupulous self-preferment. In the worse forms it attempts to give the honor and the glory to themselves which properly belong to the name of God.”

Today man has continued to build monuments of self worship. We value more how much we can do when we put our minds together or put our minds to it rather than how much God can do through us. We are convinced that no problem is beyond human solution. Just look at all mans lofty projects .The invention of electricity, automobiles, aircrafts, mans trip to the moon, internet and telecommunications advancements in medicine .Looks like the more we advance,the more insecure we become.The developments have made men arrogant, self sufficient and with no regard for God. We have become more and more insecure by the day, believing that the work of our hands will buy us immortality, joy, peace and a sense of identity. What is even scarier is that we will do anything for the next ‘big thing’.

At a microscopic level, everyone is trying to outdo everyone with the ultimate achievement. We have deceived ourselves that the end justifies the means. That God is a benefactor of our individual greatness or national greatness and that if He knows any better He should support our grand quests for fame, fortune and glory .We forget that He alone is God. That ambition is not the highest good but obedience to his will. Gods Will will be done. It will not be resisted or thwarted no matter how hard we try. We will all be forgotten, records will be broken, legacies will wither, empires will crumble and in the end only Gods Word will remain standing. We do best to incline to it for true fulfillment and greatness. To spread out as individuals into the unchartered and untrodden as the descendants of Noah were originally commanded and to exercise our uniqueness with uttermost humility.

There is something I have observed .The death of a star is the most uncelebrated event. Astronomy tells us we see some stars long after they have died, their light having travelled thousands of light years to reach our cosmos. We see the dying stars with the same indifference that we see new stars.

Stars are not living organisms.They are an intricate combination of gases and matter in combustion. Constantly burning at unimaginable temperatures. One could say the death of a star is perhaps its rest.

A black hole is created when a star dies. A black hole is according to NASA ,a place in space where gravity pulls so much that even light can not get out. When a star is dying it implodes into itself blasting millions of parts of itself into space in an event called a supernova. This is a very colorful show that’s lasts hundreds of years with the black hole in the middle of it all. Every large galaxy has a supermassive black hole at its centre.

An artists impression of a blackhole horizon

An artists impression of a blackhole horizon

Now my question is ,what is greater the black hole or the star? The birth or the death of a star? The burning brightness or the quiet cohesive power of matter compressed into the size of an atom yet weighing more than a million suns?. A gravitational force and resolution so strong that light itself cannot escape. Come to think of it not that it should. Its not that light does not exist in a black hole. It is that once sucked in it cannot escape. Many would consider the star as greater because we have been wired to think that darkness is bad thing. That it is absolutely wicked in all its dimensions.

“….and the earth was formless and void, and DARKness was on the FACE of the deep and the spirit of God hovered upon the waters. Then God said “Let there be light” ,and there was light. And He saw the light that it was good and divided it from the darkness”Genesis 1 

The author of this text speaks of the earth as appearing dark on its face (a face speaks of appearance, impressions, perceptions, representations, facades). Yet in the very beginning God existed in the darkness, he might have not dwelt in it but He presided over the darkness.

The text does not say that the darkness was bad. Now the popular question is who made the chaos and the formless void? Was God taking an afternoon stroll in the cosmos when he stumbled upon a formless ,dark-void-like thing and thought to Himself “Oh what have we here? A formless void .Let Us make something of this thing “ Like a child stumbles into an old coca cola can and makes a wire car out of it. Or did God at first attempt get the earth making ingredients wrong and thus pull a really floppy, chaotic, dark, burnt out and formless earth out of the oven? To say that God accidentally made the earth (like perhaps through a Big Bang) is absurd because it would suggest that the earth is Gods claim to fame because He was pretty much kinda bored without it or that perhaps God was the first to arrive at the scene after the Big Bang had taken place thus he had the naming and ownership rights of earth. The truth is God purposely created the earth. We existed in the mind of God and He called/created as out into the light as a manifestation of His thought

. ……he has called us out of darkness into his marvelous light. 1 Peter 2vs9

God was well able to create a perfect earth at the very outset. There was no need for Him to beat about the bush. But we are told that in the beginning He created the earth formless, void and dark. There is something about a chaotic life, a desperate soul, a broken heart and a lost person fumbling in the dark that attracts God. There is something in these situations that gets his attention and beckons for a new beginning. David writes- “A broken and contrite spirit ,these oh God you will not despise” Psalms 51 vs 17

So the darkness was there on earth before the light was created. He created the darkness.God existed in the darkness (unafraid of the bogey man)

He was there in the earths darkness, his spirit hovered on the waters. ……..If I say surely darkness shall fall on me.Even the night shall be light about me. Indeed darkness shall not hide from you. But the night shines as the day.The darkness and the light are both alike unto you Psalms 139vs 11

The philosophical notion of Infinite Regress alludes that there was a First cause of life ,time and space. A creator that created the first cause and the creator that created that creator and such and such. This of course doesn’t hold water I think because first of all the world is struggling to believe the existence of one God (sadly).By God I am referring to the God that created the earth and all its contents.

Now infinite regress suggests in kindergarten terms that God has a mother, a grand mother, a great grand mother and so on,all of whom are infinitely powerful immortals. This kind of thinking is really self destructive. For the purposes of progress and sanity let us take up the doctrine of Creatio Ex Nihilo– Creation out of nothing. That nobody created God. That He is the uncreated creator and He created the world out of nothing but His Word.

A black hole appears dark and void because everything that is sucked into it disappears from the sight of man. By deduction this spells to me that in the beginning we existed. The earth existed in the Mind of God. The earth existed in a place shut out of the mind of man, fragmented and appearing to be in darkeness. As an idea. A void space that cannot be quantified or described. The earth existed not even as a mass but as a formless void. My understanding is that a void does not in itself have a shape but however conforms to the shape of its container for example the cylindrical void within an empty bottle ,the cubic void in an empty box. But in this case we are told of a formless void. It is clear that the light existed (in the mind of God) before the darkness which was created first and God called the light into being. Then separated it out of the darkness the way millions of stars are created out a black hole.

In many ways we too are stars. Called out of darkness to burn brightly. But we are arrogant, boisterous, selfish stars. Stars wanting to burn forever. Stars wanting to outshine each other. Insecure stars. Stars wanting to never leave the stage. A star doesn’t burn efficiently, being careful to last long and be remembered .It burns fiercely, with haste and diligence. Burn until you explode or implode.

….study to show yourself approved-1 Timothy 2 vs 15 .

In the greek text the word for study in that scripture is Spoudazo -make haste,to be diligent,to be excellent ,So make haste to show yourself approved,a star that need not be ashamed. There is a certain unity that is abrasive to ones potential. A mob psychology that although making us comfortable in numbers, brings out the worst in us. Lures us into fruitless competition, vanity and frustration.

Stars do not burn in teams. They may exist in clusters, spelling out a constellation. They may orbit the same black hole, share common interests, but they have passions of their own. A star burns oblivious of the next star, running its humble race, not knowing the day nor the hour it will seize to have place in the galaxy. Being careful not to leave an ugly scar in the cosmos or the bitter aftertaste of blind ambition.

The messiah complex

The messiah complex

We on the other hand are the stars that worship ourselves having created temples of ourselves .Cyber monuments. Having achieved things that needed not be achieved in the name of glory. Personal Towers of Babel. Monuments unto ourselves fortified by the friends that choose to worship us ,groupies and random people who claim to “get us”.

P.Diddy and his wax scultpure doing his bit in the world of self worship

P.Diddy and his wax scultpure .Definitely doing his bit in the world of self worship.

We are living in a world where self worship and arrogance has been craftily disguised as confidence , assertiveness and ‘personal branding’. We obsess over Facebook likes ,how many people comment on our Whatsapp profile pictures and how many Instagram followers we have. So desperate are we to be remembered that we frequently bombard our friends and families with selfies and tags without so much as a by-your-leave. We join militant extremist groups and we indulge in socially awkward practices just to appear Boho.

We jealously guard our empires. Ruthlessly clawing to the top for a taste of glory…at the expense of God, dignity, integrity, humility, goodness, kindness and all other virtues we claim to live by.

We are the stars refusing to die. We are the mothers wanting to outshine our own children. Eating our children in a famine we have created for ourselves. We are the siblings wanting to outdo each other. We are the ones that ‘know’ better. The beautiful ones. The ones who ‘lived the life’ like Brian Adams summer of ’69. We are the self exalted ones taking up space. The ones addicted to glory and refusing to bow out. The ones refusing to let the Spirit of God hover over our dark times and create new stars. New things. We are the stars too good, too smart too special to die to ourselves.

Of the billions of people in the world and the billions that existed before my time. The inventors, the philosophers, the explorers and the preachers. The ones marked as great, controversial or unique. The gifted ones who never got a stage. All gone. I could name them. Name after name.20-50-100.Eventually they all start to blur together and one thing stands out. I am here now. This is my life, this is my time to be unique. To speak a different language. If the soul being the nucleus of the human being is unique in everyway. Then there is a language in my soul that only I can speak. I will speak my mind so that when the time of my silence comes it shall be golden. I will be the star that spared no expense. The star that when the time came, humbly bowed out to usher in the greater stars.

Spare me the star on life support and give me the stars of tomorrow. Indeed the beautiful ones are not yet born. Remember me, forget me I don’t care. I was never meant to live in the minds of men. To linger like a sore throat and crackly voice after a cold. To cling to peoples minds like the stench of sin that gropes highway motel sheets in the morning, desperate for a confession box.

imagesI will do what I must—Shine, and then I will be no-more My race I will run with vigor. But believe me, the ones that will come after me, because of me will be greater, but not greater than the ones after them. To God will be the glory, whom no monument could ever contain His greatness. Imagine if Jacob had lived forever and clung to Israel like a deity. The man that once wrestled with God for a blessing would today be a tyrant.

One of the most cancerous self created plagues in mankind is the fear of anonymity. I have come to believe that the reason I always got flattered when told I was special was because all my life, the world and its devious accomplices had systematically programmed me to believe I am like everybody else. That only a chosen few are unique and special. A lie I’ve come to see so clearly now. Suffering-From-Capitalism

 

The destruction of mans inherent self esteem and God given identity is in my view the most enterprising capitalist plot in the history of man. Capitalism at a cellular level. Getting the human being to be so insecure with himself that he is even afraid of his own shadow. Then selling him a counterfeit dignity, integrity and identity in the form of fame, money, acquisitions, power and even a ZIFA Presidency(for some people I will not mention by name for obvious reasons)

What is it that holds you together? Have you carefully and purposely resolved to erect a monument of baked brick and tar to stay at the top or to herald your existence. The new age thinking of counterfeit unity where individuals, races, nations unite for self exaltation and God is just a guest.. It is futile to gather ourselves together for selfish glory .To gather outside of the will and glory of God because we gather only to scatter.

….The stone that the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone -Psalm 118vs22

Its all about me

Its all about me

“I can do all things through Christ that strengthens” me has been altered to

—I can do all things—

—Do what you want/Do what thy wilt—

Where one tells themselves that if they put their mind to something they can do anything and the world is placed at the mercy of their folly. To decide outside of God to build a monument unto oneself and then I invite God to come an officiate the grand opening.

…..Unless the Lord builds the house, they labour in vain that build it- Psalms 127  

 

Which brings me to the point that maybe Marechera was right when he said “ I am against everything, against war and those against war….” There is something wrong with communism and there is something wrong with socialism. There is something wrong with the free market and the tree huggers. There is something wrong with every ideology that brings people together to do great things outside of God.

Everything resolves and revolves around God. He stands alone in the presence of Himself. He is the center and circumference of Himself. He is the uncreated creator that existed before we existed. He isn’t lonely for company or praises. We raise monuments, alters as countries, tribes, and individuals to be feared and to be worshipped but He is the only one who is able to raise stones to worship Him yet there is no record of Him being so desperate for worship that he came to that point. He is self sufficient. He is the bright star that the wise men could not ignore and the invisible force that holds the light from escaping the black hole.

indexMay we learn to pursue genuine greatness. From the beginning of time there have been philanthropists living among the suffering. Yet altruism could not save the world. The Son of God himself had to die. A man who had the power to command the host of angels to destroy the wicked. He Died!!.Today He is risen and sits at the right hand of God.

The quest for greatness is one that transcends the selfish desire to be remembered or worshipped.

 

We are living in a world where CEO’s refuse to retire, leaders refuse to resign, the old refuse to die .A world where the women refuse to grow old and the men refuse to grow up because all are falsely deceived that greatness is the ability to cling to a temporary, perishable monument of power. We are a nation of a hundred million fools.

True greatness is being an efficient conductor of the power of God.

It is carrying a compass not a mirror. Not being afraid to bow out to ourselves. Not being afraid to burn fiercely with or without a stage. Not being afraid to one day bow out into a black hole from whence thousand stars and galaxies come.

“….to Thine is kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever Amen” Zana’Kay


The New Miss Zimbabwe.

Its been 10 years since I became a beauty queen. I am hesitant to say I am celebrating a 10 year anniversary because there isn’t much to celebrate save for the fact that had I not been a beauty queen once ,I would not have the basis to write these views. So much changed. The world, my views, my perceptions. Even my ideas have been warped and strengthened by time the way wind and time twists a tree and strengthens its trunk. What I once carried as a merit and honorary badge has been destroyed by the controversy surrounding recent pageant queens. I am reminded today, of a piece I wrote a couple of years ago…

zanakay

FIRST PUBLISHED OCTOBER 19-2011

The first modern pageant was staged by P.T.Barnum in 1854 in America, but his beauty contest was closed down by public protest. He previously held dog, baby, and bird beauty contests .I really don’t know since I was not there but I  guess humans decided  that they wanted to identify with the feeling that a dog, baby or bird gets after winning a contest because soon after that, the concept of beauty pageants began to take the world by storm. First masquerading as a search for beautiful bodies in 1920’s,then celebrating the heyday of Hollywood in the 1930’s,bringing the world together in the 1940’s World War times ,tackling race and feminism in the 1970’s,celebrating diversity in the 90’s then calling for more brains ,more talent, more personality and more goodwill from its contestants in the new millennium. Today the pageant scene in Africa is popular as…

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The woman in the book

As women we struggle so much to find our purpose in life. Proverbs 31 has given me an assignment of a lifetime. I might not be that woman to the T, but I definitely will not stop trying to be. For those who have never read this chapter there is talk  of a super woman who wakes up really early ,cooks ,cleans and clothes her family, runs a business, works in the field ,makes her own silk clothes, buys land and develops property, loves her husband to death, instructs the children in Godly wisdom and and and …I sometimes question how I am supposed to be a proverbs 31 woman when I am not even married , have no children and have thus conveniently disqualified myself from this scripture because of that. How foolish of me. Any way, if any of you ladies has managed to become the Proverbs 31 woman overnight. Please write to me and share your secret …..as well as letting me know which planet you are from.

 

So I am trying to be a Godly woman. Practicing all that ‘meek and quiet spirit ‘ stuff and its going pretty well.But this Proverbs 31 woman intimidates the hell out of me.

I will not quote out the whole chapter at the beginning of this post because some of you might be so intimidated you will give up on reading the post altogether.

So for now I will speak about the part I find particularly interesting today and hopefully together we will tackle the rest of the chapter piece by piece in the future.

 

She is clothed in strength and dignity, she laughs with no fear of the future. Proverbs 31vs25 


I didn’t struggle with understanding the strength part.

A strong woman is a woman who knows who she is and where she is going and is not afraid to go after her dreams. A strong woman is one who keeps challenging herself. A woman who sees that there is always room for improvement. This is a woman who strives to excel when personal, economic, political, and racial obstacles threaten her. This is a woman who is not afraid to wear her femininity gracefully and yet exude power. This is a woman who is not too tough or hard to have a soft spot for a hungry stranger or an orphaned child.

A woman who knows how to stay optimistic in the gloomiest circumstance. A woman with an infectious joy and happiness. A sure woman . An authentic woman .A woman who respects herself enough to stand up for herself and the causes she believes in. A strong woman is a who is not afraid to love, who is quick to forgive. A woman who inspires other women.

Nubia_group_aStrongWoman-GraceWanji

But where does strength come from?

Often when I am strongest I am also at my weakest. The physical and metaphysical walls of protection I built myself would have been raised to the ground by one circumstance or another. Strength is from God and what compels strength is weakness. So i think a strong woman is a woman who admits she is in a time of weakness and prays for strength.

 

She is clothed in strength and dignity, she laughs with no fear of the future. Proverbs 31vs25

 

It is the ‘dignity’ part that ties me up in knots. It is this question of dignity that led me to write this deductive piece and try to unknot my questions.

 

What does it mean to have dignity in the context of this verse?. A woman’s dignity that is.

Is it possible for a woman to lose dignity and regain it.?

I think dignity is the sum total of integrity, inner poise, steadfast courage and elegance.

I think dignity translates to self confidence and not vise versa.

There is no amount of plastic surgery that can buy you dignity. You can buy temporary self confidence and self esteem that way but never dignity. There is a popular phrase that goes “no amount of vintage dresses can buy you dignity”.

 

In Ndebele the word for dignity is Isithunzi. Isithunzi literally translates to a shadow of somesort. The lack off therefore means a shamefully exposed woman. If someone says you have no isithunzi it means you are so vile and wicked and shameful that your own shadow will not dare stand by your side.

 

The process of losing dignity doesn’t start from outside as most would think. Addiction, dysfunctional behavior, co-depency, loss of self-respect and other negative symptoms are triggered by a loss within. Loss of dignity starts from inside oneself.

 

Consider the issue of Adam and Eve.

Now as I understand it things were perfectly fine and Adam and his wife where going about the business of the garden of Eden stark naked as awkward as that is to imagine. When they consumed the forbidden fruit they suddenly realized they were naked. Now here is the interesting thing, when they realized that they were naked they did not hide from each other in a dramatic scene of ahhs and oohs synonymous with when one walks into and occupied bathroom to find a man or a woman naked. They strung leaves and covered themselves then they went about their business as usual. They were still as naked as they were before they ate the fruit. You see something changed not on the outside but on the inside. Something so deep in the soul in a place that only God could fix. A place so hidden man and God are face to face.

When God came around in the evening looking for Adam , Adam and his wife hid.

“I heard you, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked”

Me thinks did God not know this? He did. But it was at the point where God searched for Adam that Adam realized the full shame of his nakedness. Those silly leaves didn’t make him feel any better. So ashamed of his nakedness was Adam that it seemed it was a more serious problem than the fact that he had eaten the forbidden fruit.

The loss of dignity can be so diverting , we lose sight of the real problem. The root of our loss. We string leaves around ourselves like temporary masks. We try and bribe dignity with makeup, fancy clothes, titles and fame hoping she will grace us again. We forget that whilst one can command respect, one cannot command dignity. Aristotle says dignity does not consist of possessing honors but in deserving them.

When God had dealt with them accordingly he then made clothes and covered them. He covered their shame .

 

Perhaps I am the only one who has dramatic imaginations when I read my Bible but God is interesting. I was raised by a mother who would beat you up when you were naked. If my mother walked into the bathroom and found that you were not bathing as thoroughly as you should be. If she found that the soap and pumice stone had barely been touched, she would lash you there and then. If she came home while you were bathing and heard from someone in the house that you had been naughty she would march in and deal with you. Thats my mother, but God is interesting.

First Adam flips the script of the grand creation process and eats the forbidden fruit. The world was still a little more than seven days old and God could have easily leveled it like a sand castle and started again. Instead he calmly shows up later in the evening and looks for Adam.

“Adam where are you?.”

Epic anger management here.

Judging from his calmness I imagine an English Accent was used here.

Theologists say that Gods search for Adam is proof of Gods redemptive effort from the beginning. His desire to save and have a relationship with man.

 

My mother wouldn’t have done that. She would have gone to the scene of the crime (the tree of knowledge of good and evil) and summoned me from there.

“Wena Makhosazana!! Akubuye lapha khathesi!!”

“Ngathini?(whip lash) ngathini ngokudli’shlahla lesi?(whip lash) ”.But I digress.

 

My curious mind asks if Adam was smart enough to name all the animals and plants surely he could think up the simple idea of making his own clothes? The type of clothes that could cover his shame. After all was he not the manager of all affairs in Eden? He tried but he could not. He did not. God came looking, and HE himself covered Adam and Eves shame.

Are we not fortunate that God is always searching for his lost sheep? God is able to convict us of our loss of dignity and is the only person who can restore lost dignity .

 Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God:…1st John 3 vs 3”

jEver wondered why commercial flights don’t fly over the Antarcitic. I read somewhere that planes must be within a certain distance of land at all times .You need to have somewhere to land if you have engine failure or system problems,safety is never compromised. These polar regions are too darn empty aside from a few military installations and research centers. If anything happened no one would dare find you. There are no airports to land no fuel supplies and the GPS signals are all messed up. The weather is extreme and there are no weather stations all over the Antartica except for a few outposts covering a very large region. Some daredevils do fly over the area but I guess the motto is -God Be With You because incase anything happens where would you land(crash land)and who would find you?

 

The parts in our soul where we first lose our dignity is like that place. A place where the only one we can SOS is God. A place where the devil likes to believe that if we crash we will never be found, but  he is wrong.

 

What brings a woman dignity?a

When one has been thrown in the gutters, used, abused, hurt ,embarrassed, rejected  and violated so much that they feel they have lost themselves.

God restores dignity.

The fear of God and the obedience of his statutes.

 

Did you not hear …that the stone that builders rejected has become the Chief Cornerstone…rise up…take up your place with confidence .I tell you now. No-one can separate you from the love of God… …Behold he has made all things new.

 

To the ladies whom things have been said about, vile things, true and false. A reputation seems to have been damaged remember that reputation is but a shadow but character is the real thing. You can always rebuild character.

 

Let me say.. that it is not your shadow that gives you dignity. It is not your isithunzi. The Bible says our righteousness is like filthy rags.

It’s about whose shadow you are under

“..keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me in the shadow of your wings from the wicked who despoil me ,my deadly enemies who surround me” –Psalms 17 vs 8.

“For you have been my help and in the shadow of your wings I sing for joy”– Psalms 63 vs 7

 

Ask yourself -Who is this God whom my frame was not hidden from when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth?

Is he not able to save me?

He is able to.

cI know these Proverbs 31 boots are heavy boots to walk in .

But we are strong.

 

We might sink in their weight sometimes.

We might fail to walk fast enough in them

We might fall or trip even.

But we will not give up.

 

We will walk in them.

Because these boots are our portion.

We are clothed in strength and dignity and we laugh with no fear of the future.

By Zana’ kay

———————————————————-

Proverbs 31:10-31King James Version (KJV)

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

 


I don’t want memories… I want you

I love this piece by my friend Delta Ndou. The courage to say the words that i struggle to say in my pride .I struggle to write emotionally about relationships.I worry i’ll be seen as weak or petty.Yet love affairs aren’t petty things to women.We love hard.We love deep.We love fiercely,like a mother Tiger protecting her young. We love publicly without abandon.It is hard then to grieve a love so deep secretly.
*how do i unlove you?*
I ask my self the same question.I’ ve resolved that its ok not to unlove him.I’ts okay to to keep him on the glass table like an inherited porcelain vase. Pass him by everyday as i make my way out.I like knowing he is somewhere within the optic reach of my mind.Yet I will not look, even though he is right there on the glass table. I know this,I will not look.It hurts better not to look,but it hurts worse to strike him off my mind completely.He is a scar i am willing to live with.I cant unlove him. I won’t.—zanakay


Why I Hate Fathers Day.

Fathers Day has always been bittersweet for me…growing up without a father,a scared little girl finding her way.I a still am.Scared.I will never be too successful,too proud,too old or too independent to feel like it doesnt matter. Its easy to appear strong while you hurt in secret places.I have always wondered if things would have been different had he been there…would i be wiser ? more informed about the games men play ? would i feel safe..knowing there is a tall giant man ready to protect me and keep me from harms way??? i don’t know..but what i know is that there is a WOMAN who stood in the gap like she was made for it,and i would like to salute that woman ….
To the Father who is my mother,Judith kaMabada kaNkala kaTshele,Swazi princess,steel and butter in all the right places.
Respect** may i be at least half the woman you are..

and to all the Single Mothers.Stay strong.You do not have the anatomy to prove it but I recognise you–Happy Fathers Day

zanakay


Theres a particular scripture in the bible that I hated.It reads,”He is the father to the fatherless…”Psalms 68.5.I hated this verse with a passion at one time because of the way it was often served to me.During lunch time conversations at school,sports days and church meetings.

The word ‘father’,would often come up.’My father this,my father that,yada yada ‘,they would go,until I’d abruptly intrude-‘Enough,some of us do not have fathers!’.Then for some reason,that verse would be served to me like left over bones to a stray dog.Like some consolation prize for coming third.

“Don’t worry,he is the father to the fatherless “,they would say.I resented it because,it suggested that since i did not have a real father,or at least one that showed up at ‘fatherly’ places other than Maintenance Court,I automatically belonged to some social welfare whose manager was God.

My attitude grew worse when adolescence came knocking at my door…

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This Thing ….(what shall i call it?)

something newHave you ever played peek-a-boo with a baby?It is the silliest thing. You hide behind your hands and everytime your show your face the baby laughs like there is no tomorrow. It will always baffle me why a baby can be surprised by the same thing over and over all day long.

Comfort can be a dangerous thing. It destroys our ability to grow. It destroys our zest and energy to conquer and achieve. It provides us with an impersonation of safety, while we slowly rot. It makes new things appear unnecessary. Needing too much unnecessary effort. Comfort compels us to want to fix the old things so they look like the new things we are too lazy or afraid to step out into. Yes just paint a little there and fix a little there and voila- it looks just like the house in the magazine. Big business this is.

“It looks like new” and “it is new” are two different statements.

In principle a new thing compels us to do what we have never done.

A new thing is a new thing .It’s not a recycled thing..its not a revived thing.

But can you truly know when a new thing is upon you?

When are you ready for a new thing?

Do you feel it when a new thing is upon you?..is a new thing such a vapid, frivolous thing that it can be left to the most wavering of our abilities…our feelings.

 

What I know is something genuinely new is beautiful….It is touching beyond words..

 

newborn

 

Like a new baby..precious. We all know how babies are made. Its not rocket science.

But when the baby does arrive we are thrown into disbelief …the perfection of that little thing shames us..exposes that this is beyond our abilities.

That it is not of our making. The miracle speaks for itself.

Like falling in love …again. I had it all figured out you see. The science of love, according to Miles Monroe, Steve Harvey, Joyce Meyer, Maya Angelou and all that jazz but hehehe… nothing prepared me for a new thing.

 

Behold I make all things new…

New things are miraculous you see. Divine. “In the beginning was the Word and the word was with God ,and the word was God..and he was in the beginning with God .All things were made by Him and without him was not anything made that was made”. …and some versions say “……HE created everything there is. Nothing exists that he didn’t make. Life itself was in him and this life gives light to everyone”.

Maybe I’ve got myself confused but is it possible that all things new were made in the beginning ? That we are actors in a script albeit rebellious sometimes.Captains of bright destiny- turned Captains of fear. Too afraid to step out into the new. Too afraid to let God compel us to new things .New things don’t just happen. You have to want them. You have to ignite a desperation and an obsession for change. You have to be in a space of chaos (like the beginning of the world)..a somewhat sackcloth point of life where you downrightly refuse to mend anything and you WANT a new thing. You have to wake up in the middle of the night and say to yourself… “Self you smell like dead things ….Self you are in the belly of a rotting fish. Being caught in the belly of a live fish going to Tarshish is better than being stuck in a dead fish.Yet going tumultuously to Nineveh is better that travelling in style to Tarshish ,but I digress. You have to say Self…perhaps its time you stepped out and let the architect of new things dispense a new thing”.

A new thing comes with grace…unmerited favour. A new thing will shock you at first. You may even be infatuated with it, amazed, bedazzled . Like a new mother not being able to take her eyes off her newborn. But eventually the infatuation dies and now the new thing needs responsibility.It beckons that you put in some sweat equity…like a new field for a farmer.

New things are possible. Hell they actually exist!!.Some with your name all over them.

All we need is to allow that door to open. To step out…in faith..

doing-a-new-thing

I wrote this today because I got this new Thing you see.

I would say its God ..because it is..If his mercies are new everyday…that means his love is new ..and if God is love that means he is a new God. Today. Yet He is still the same.I don’t know how that is even possible.I don’t know how he does it. I never want to know. The beauty of new things is how they peplex us…keep us in awe.

 

I got this new Thing you see..

I would say its Love….because It just is.

 

I got new Thing you see,

I would say its life. I would say its clarity. I would say its vision. I would say its  passion gratitude. I would say this. It is but it is NOT.

It is not because it is a NEW Thing….that is better than all those things. Far beyond what I deserve. Far beyond my expectations.

New things need new names.

And I’ve just realised I’ve been so caught up in a life of familiar things, old things, recycled things, adopted things, rebranded things, expected things …things born out of equations and projections .I never once thought of a brand new thing let alone did I think of giving a new thing a deserving name.

 

What is your new thing?

Is it a vocation?..a dream?…a man? a woman..? a child?..a destiny that you’ve fantasised about ,that you’ve planned ?but haven’t had the guts to step OUT into it because of all the familiar comforts of your present thing/old thing.

I am scared too you see. This new Thing has got me at an orgasmic wits end. All the comforts of my old things may not like my new thing. All my smaller older dreams are intimidated by this bigger dream.

 

There is a 3 o’clock darkness. Perhaps a storm brewing. Uncertainty. Like when the Son of man gave up his life…but behold. Here comes a new thing.

 

I will not uproot the old things and drag them into the new things. Old dreams…old desires..old passions..old friends..old clothes..everything old. I will not condemn them either. This is what I say- Nothing will come by force. If worthy…each will take up its cross and follow.

 

What is your new thing?

I am embracing my new Thing?

Step out.

Step out and embrace Yours..

 

Remember comfortable people achieve nothing they go round and round in silly circles. Amused by familiarity like a baby and peek-a-boo.

God has a pocket full of new things for you.Are you ready?

 

—————–Zana’Kay.


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